People with agoraphobia are famous for coming up with excuses to get out of things that scare them. They are also famous for becoming self-absorbed, in tune with their own emotions and out of tune with the feelings of others. The more you read up on agoraphobia, the more you will understand the reasons why and be able to support your friend or loved one with care and patience.
Remember, almost no one wakes up one day and decides they want to screw up their life. Most people with agoraphobia really do want to get better. They just need a little live and support from a few understanding people. If you are with someone who is suffering with Agoraphobia here are some points to bear in mind:
(A) Build trust to help recovery
To be a good support person, the agoraphobic must be able to feel an alliance with you. He or she must trust that you will accommodate his or her limitations without judgment. If you’re out with your friend or loved one in his or her fearful world, he or she must know that you can, and will, provide the assistance he or she needs without question.
(B) Find out what you can about panic disorder and Agoraphobia.
If you have never had recurring panic attacks, it may be hard to understand the difficulties your friend or loved one is going through. The fear an agoraphobic experiences is not just nervousness or feeling a little anxious. It is part of a biological and psychological process that is far beyond these limits and is often life-changing.
To be a good support person, the agoraphobic must be able to feel an alliance with you. He or she must trust that you will accommodate his or her limitations without judgment. If you’re out with your friend or loved one in his or her fearful world, he or she must know that you can, and will, provide the assistance he or she needs without question.
(B) Find out what you can about panic disorder and Agoraphobia.
If you have never had recurring panic attacks, it may be hard to understand the difficulties your friend or loved one is going through. The fear an agoraphobic experiences is not just nervousness or feeling a little anxious. It is part of a biological and psychological process that is far beyond these limits and is often life-changing.
(C) Don’t try to direct the agoraphobic’s recovery
You may feel you are helping your friend or loved one overcome his or her fears with excessive prodding. But, this is, likely, to worsen feelings of anxiety, shame and embarrassment, leading to concealment of symptoms and hindering recovery. The most important thing is just to be there, and to be caring.
Keep calm yourself and don't start a cross-examination or over-react. Someone who honestly feels they are about to die, or at the least pass out, does not want to be interrogated with questions like "What on earth happened to you?", and "What caused this?" If you do, it will only make things worse.
Too much concern can also make feelings of extreme fear even worse. Don't say things like "Oh you poor thing!", "Oh dear, this is terrible", or offer to call an ambulance. Don't denigrate with comments like "Stop being so childish", or "Grow up and snap out of it." A panic attack is no joke, and if the person affected could just `snap out of it', they would have done so long ago.
(D) Don’t assume manipulation.
It’s often hard to understand why an agoraphobic may be able to do something one day, but not the next. He or she may go to a restaurant several times, then start to avoid restaurants, followed by resuming this activity. Or, he or she may be able to drive to certain places some days, but not others. This is not manipulation. These behaviors are common because the basis of the fear is not actually the restaurant or other feared activity. The fear and avoidance come from the fear itself. In other words, your loved one actually fears the frightening symptoms of having a panic attack. These symptoms can vary from day to day, or even morning to night, because of biological, psychological and environmental influences.
(E) Don’t view the agoraphobic as “weak”.
Living in a world of fear, day-in and day-out, is not an easy proposition. Every time an agoraphobic ventures past his or her safe zone, he or she is showing you monumental strength.
(F) Hyperventilation can be a problem especially if they are having Panic
Hyperventilation means over breathing; and over breathing means rapid, shallow breaths, rather than slow, natural ones. We all breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, but when over breathing, we breathe out too much carbon dioxide, leaving the blood chemistry temporarily unbalanced. The net result is a sort of reduction in 'pressure' which causes a constriction of some blood vessels and a slight increase in the blood's alkaline level. This is not a dangerous situation. The body soon compensates and retrieves the balance, but the physical symptoms a person may experience while this is being done can be extremely alarming.
There are a number of methods which can be used to reduce the effects of hyperventilating fairly quickly. One often recommended is to place a paper bag over the nose and mouth and to breath into it, thus inhaling extra carbon dioxide which quickly retrieves the blood chemistry balance. However, if somebody feels that they are gasping for air, further restricting its passage into the lungs is unlikely to be welcomed.
Other methods suggested have been: using cupped hands instead of a bag. Slowing breathing down as with "In.. one.. two.. three.. Out.. one.. two.. three". (Ensuring that 'slower' doesn't mean 'much deeper' or the good work can be undone), Trying to avoid 'gulping air' if there is a strong feeling of breathlessness. (Swallowing a couple of times helps here or holding the gulp for a few seconds if it cannot be avoided, and then letting the air out slowly). Running, and doing knee squats. Both of the latter physical responses seem to be good ways to retrieve the sagging carbon dioxide 'pressure' and may be readily undertaken by those who experience a driving need for action/escape at such times.
The panicking person will want to 'escape' from the situation they are in. If you, as a helper can, try to persuade him or her not to. Running away may seem to bring relief, but it will make the situation much harder to bear next time and will reinforce the belief that the situation was dangerous and that escape is the best way to deal with it. Both of these responses lead to chronic habit. Try to negotiate a small delay: "You can hang on for one more minute ... just count to 60 and then we'll go". But don't bully, agoraphobic people have to make their own choices.
Too much concern can also make feelings of extreme fear even worse. Don't say things like "Oh you poor thing!", "Oh dear, this is terrible", or offer to call an ambulance. Don't denigrate with comments like "Stop being so childish", or "Grow up and snap out of it." A panic attack is no joke, and if the person affected could just `snap out of it', they would have done so long ago.
(D) Don’t assume manipulation.
It’s often hard to understand why an agoraphobic may be able to do something one day, but not the next. He or she may go to a restaurant several times, then start to avoid restaurants, followed by resuming this activity. Or, he or she may be able to drive to certain places some days, but not others. This is not manipulation. These behaviors are common because the basis of the fear is not actually the restaurant or other feared activity. The fear and avoidance come from the fear itself. In other words, your loved one actually fears the frightening symptoms of having a panic attack. These symptoms can vary from day to day, or even morning to night, because of biological, psychological and environmental influences.
(E) Don’t view the agoraphobic as “weak”.
Living in a world of fear, day-in and day-out, is not an easy proposition. Every time an agoraphobic ventures past his or her safe zone, he or she is showing you monumental strength.
(F) Hyperventilation can be a problem especially if they are having Panic
Hyperventilation means over breathing; and over breathing means rapid, shallow breaths, rather than slow, natural ones. We all breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, but when over breathing, we breathe out too much carbon dioxide, leaving the blood chemistry temporarily unbalanced. The net result is a sort of reduction in 'pressure' which causes a constriction of some blood vessels and a slight increase in the blood's alkaline level. This is not a dangerous situation. The body soon compensates and retrieves the balance, but the physical symptoms a person may experience while this is being done can be extremely alarming.
There are a number of methods which can be used to reduce the effects of hyperventilating fairly quickly. One often recommended is to place a paper bag over the nose and mouth and to breath into it, thus inhaling extra carbon dioxide which quickly retrieves the blood chemistry balance. However, if somebody feels that they are gasping for air, further restricting its passage into the lungs is unlikely to be welcomed.
Other methods suggested have been: using cupped hands instead of a bag. Slowing breathing down as with "In.. one.. two.. three.. Out.. one.. two.. three". (Ensuring that 'slower' doesn't mean 'much deeper' or the good work can be undone), Trying to avoid 'gulping air' if there is a strong feeling of breathlessness. (Swallowing a couple of times helps here or holding the gulp for a few seconds if it cannot be avoided, and then letting the air out slowly). Running, and doing knee squats. Both of the latter physical responses seem to be good ways to retrieve the sagging carbon dioxide 'pressure' and may be readily undertaken by those who experience a driving need for action/escape at such times.
The panicking person will want to 'escape' from the situation they are in. If you, as a helper can, try to persuade him or her not to. Running away may seem to bring relief, but it will make the situation much harder to bear next time and will reinforce the belief that the situation was dangerous and that escape is the best way to deal with it. Both of these responses lead to chronic habit. Try to negotiate a small delay: "You can hang on for one more minute ... just count to 60 and then we'll go". But don't bully, agoraphobic people have to make their own choices.
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