Then few years back it all started. I know the internal and external factors that contributed to this now but wish I had realized it sooner and be more wise about it. Initially started with panics and over time my life constricted to the point I could not go out of my house by even one block. It was the lowest point in my life.
Cycles of frustration, hope, hopelessness, joy, despair, depression, anger, sad, guilt, feeling incomplete & dependent (financially, emotionally and physically) making progress at times followed by large setbacks many times....I cannot express well with words what I have gone through psychologically. Anyone who went through or going through Agoraphobia will not need words to understand that.
On bright side, I think this helped me to slow down, become bit more humble, better understanding and acceptance of others and myself, better relationships and on the whole a better person. Also this made me rethink my career trajectory. Pushed me 2 years back, to take a leap of faith and pursue completely different professional path that I am passionate about. Sometimes I feel may be it was God's way to nudge me towards making progress on above personal traits and develop internal courage to pursue different road.
I thought of pursuing this new profession few times before panics and phobias started but was never courageous to take that leap. Another irony is most people would consider this new professional path as one of the most competitive and stressful professions one can be in with above 90% failure rate. Time will tell if pursuing this other profession was right choice. We try our best to make right choice but we never know a choice is right or wrong till after the fact.
Anyway what matters now is not where I have been/coming from but where I am going from here. I have still far to go in both mastering myself and in getting handle on Agoraphobia. This is my ongoing journey. I have no doubt (and it proved enough times) that this is the most challenging journey so far.
I am writing this in public (via blog) in the hope it empowers and helps not only me but others who are in similar boat. After all said and done, failure is not really an option one can choose on this path. Bright side, it is failure only when one gives up.
I thought of pursuing this new profession few times before panics and phobias started but was never courageous to take that leap. Another irony is most people would consider this new professional path as one of the most competitive and stressful professions one can be in with above 90% failure rate. Time will tell if pursuing this other profession was right choice. We try our best to make right choice but we never know a choice is right or wrong till after the fact.
Anyway what matters now is not where I have been/coming from but where I am going from here. I have still far to go in both mastering myself and in getting handle on Agoraphobia. This is my ongoing journey. I have no doubt (and it proved enough times) that this is the most challenging journey so far.
I am writing this in public (via blog) in the hope it empowers and helps not only me but others who are in similar boat. After all said and done, failure is not really an option one can choose on this path. Bright side, it is failure only when one gives up.
I wish you good health, happiness and each day brighter than before!
Regards,
FP
"Our strength grows out of our weaknesses" ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
